Finding Jessica

Oye....mis pensamientos son fuertes y atrasados....pero nadie quiere oirme. ¿Porqué? Porque nadie me quiere. Nadie tiene una razón para eschucharme, para ayudarme, para amarme... siento que él no tenga la fuerza de mentalidad, de pensamiento, de su corazón, para quererme para siempre.

Entonces, ¿quienes?

Entonces, ¿cuándo?

Entonces, ¿dónde?

No se, oye dios mio, no se. No puedo entenderlo. Creo que tengo aspectos buenos, estoy bien educada, inteligente, amable, más o menos bonita. ¿Estoy equivocada?

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I'm sorry, my frustrations, seem to have needed to be voiced in spanish. I'm just rambling, so for those who cannot read it, you're not missing much more than the frustrations of an undervalued college senior wondering if its wrong to want a family of her own at such an age...I am much older than the average marriage age for a woman long ago, but today it seems to be impossible to even find a willing male who is willing to vow to love you and be with you for a forever that begins before their huevos shrivel up and...well, wrinkle, since they remain woefully productive (so tot speak) most of their lives.

Ahhhh, just heard a few lines of Bach, some things are truly priceless... I really must ensure that I begin ballet again in about 2 weeks when the classes at the RBC start back up, first a trial class, f course. And I just heard about some on-campus folks with a latin dance group, Sube Ritmo. Must check it out.

So I've been thinking a lot about tattoos...there are so many, and some are truly artful, beautiful, and properly inspired. Rather thatn those horrid, ghetto (sometimes), markist things adorning the arms, legs, necks, etc. of people who seemingly desire merely to make a rediculous statement with their skin, or brand themselves...? There is however a phrase I came across in one of my literature classes that I would consider a good tattoo or in addition to one....

"oscura objeto de deseo"

obscure object of desire...that seems to describe so much in my life. and cherry blossoms, lilies. hmmm...its a thought process.

Well, until I feel compelled again. Man, this thing effectively replaced my journal for the last couple weeks of the DR! Though I did write in it for class, so there's that, and this way I can share readable thoughts with momma and others, and just write in the journal when I've got very private ones.

My spanish teacher (Garrigan?) reminds me of Julissa...te extraño mucho.

I have lots of thinking to do.

OH! Before I check out, though this means I will be pitiably broke for a while, I HAVE A NEW CAR!!! (well, new to me) Love it, love it. Hasta luego.