Finding Jessica

Today in my culture class at PUCMM we watched a documentary on Puerto Rico called Soy Boricua, pa' que tu lo sepas (I'm Puerto Rican, Just so you know!) that is mostly done and narrated by famous actress Rosie Pérez.
It made me sad and confused, as I usually am when thinking about myself. Why? I have a very medium "black" skin tone. But my mother is "black" and has native american so strong in her veins that her cheek bones could campaign on their own and her perms are unneccesary. And my father's mother is native american (possibly with something else too, but I don't think so). And his father? Puerto Rican. The Puerto Ricans that are more spanish than native with nary a hint of african, the sort of complexion Trujillo himself wanted, blue eyes and all. But I've only seen his picture.

Add to this what my country has done to my other people, which trying to identify with only one group of people in this day and age...would confuse anyone, especially me, whose strongest roots that pull at my heartstrings I didn't even know about until high school. But I always knew, I think. I could feel it, in the way I had to move my hips to a latin beat, the way spanish seemed etched in my brain before I started studying it...

But how do I identify? So I have dark skin, but everyone that looks at me in the states can see that something else. I don't quite look black. And I'm not ashamed to be proud of that, why? Because my closest ties have not a thing to do with africa. I was raised in a "white" school and neighborhood, danced ballet for 11years, now I salsa and merengue until I can hardly walk. The family I grew up with is "black", the family I did not isn't. I haven't yet reached my conclusion, but I'm sure I will claim them all.
What do I check on those race questions? If the "hispanic" option says not of african descent, well, my mommy is black, soo that knocks me out. But there is still "other", and that's what I think I will be.
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Part of the problem is the emphasis placed on color. If you ask me its as easy to change your skin tone and hair texture as a good salon, some sun, or michael's dermatologist. So who cares? All I care about is my past, my family, my culture, and that is what I want people to see, to ask about.