Finding Jessica

trying to reach that essential plateau of hopeless wonderment associated with achieving the ultimate inspiration...

Today is the 30th, I'm baking pumpkin bread and waiting for my girls to arrive so we can exchange presents and be crazy girls together for the night.

Wondering what a new year alone will bring me...where I'll get, what I'll achieve...what will happen with us...

Wondering what mischief we'll get into tomorrow night...that I'll regret at 10am at work on the 1st...stupid schedule...blessed time and a half...

Thinking that I hope he realizes...well...what I said stands, for now.

Wondering if I can pull off this semester...and if I can survive until january 11th.

Waiting for the new year. And friends. Where the heck are they?!

love

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So much has happened in the last week...so much is to come...so much is needed, so much true...these are two interesting/cute/funny images I found representing a small piece of what I feel...


...mothers are a blessing knowingly disguised by God...

thank you, I love you Mommy.

So, my addiction to the Sorority Life application on facebooky is complete...but not unconquerable...HOWEVER, I have sucked in my roomie, and in one day she is about to become more powerful, influential, and higher level than me!!!!???!!!

Dreams...crazy stuff going on in my head at night...

I can't wait until the new year...specifically, I cannot wait until my financial woos are over...until then...these will be (unfortunately, since I love to pamper my lovies) a frugal christmas...and I need to stop being such a freakin' fatty...and make lots of phone calls and order my freakin funds...

personal reminder list:
$17
$70...call, print, send!
$40ish br (¿o más?)
$50ish demamá
-$90
-$366

makes for some terrible math, right? lol, no explanation here, that's why its a personal list! LOL

Got...and...for delly, ...and ohhh for her (so gotta...yeah) and...and...for k...and will get on treinta for...ok. well...that makes the hours I have right now at work REALLY important!!!!!

Geeze..all I want for christmas is $$$...only that's not entirely true, sooo...?

Oh well, gotta take my behind to bed. Happy christmas holidays people...

I need to work out too...and wash clothes...and clean...hair...nails...straighten...


OMG...I can't do this. Can I?

whooooo!

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SO, I'm officially DONE for the semester! Also turns out that I did get my commission, but it was so measly and hours so bad...well, I'm sure you get it. The stress levels during the semester ensured I wouldn't be totally thrilled with my grades, not that I failed anything, but passing isn't really my only goal here. Just means I've got to have a hell of a semester next one (AND I WILL!!!) and eliminate a few huge sources of stress and anxiety...only problem is the eliminating part...anyways, looking forward to the holidays, though I'm FLAT BROKE, and cannot believe that Christmas is one week from tomorrow!!! Well, Felíz Navidad people, prospero año y feliz edad, and all that other jazz (I wanna miss you a merry Christmas, the parts people don't really know what its saying!). Guess I'll just focus on being happy and not too worried over anything while I can...

SOOO...apparently I'm going to have to call and see where the rest of my PAYCHECK is because I've been waiting MONTHS for my payout!!! I kinda NEED the money right now...hard times have befallen the almost graduate...oh GOD I need some help...if I can just survive and keep them at bay until January 11th...goodness, that's almost halfway through the month?!??!!! Well, at least come march I'll have a break from a foreseen stressful semester...shame it won't be during my 23rd though, guess mama will get to enjoy me then...maybe...you know, for a time, around a night of craziness with friends!


Oh! Btw, did you know that you can donate hair clippings and such to make hair mats to clean up oil spills??? You can donate as an individual or as a company or hair salon...pretty cool and useful purpose for icky cut hair!

 ...in Jewelry, Jewelry | Third generation diamond and jewelry manufacturer, unites classic elements with a modern conception of design in every single creation. - WhereToGetEngaged.com


David Levy Diamonds & Fine Jewels in Jewelry, Jewelry | Third generation diamond and jewelry manufacturer, unites classic elements with a modern conception of design in every single creation. - WhereToGetEngaged.com

Take a breath, take it deep
Calm yourself, he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take a gun, and count to three
I’m sweating now, moving slow
No time to think, my turn to go


 And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
Say a prayer to yourself
He says close your eyes
Sometimes it helps
And then I get a scary thought
That he’s here means he’s never lost


And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
As my life flashes before my eyes
I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?
So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye
But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

And you can see my heart beating
You can see it through my chest
And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving
Know that I must must pass this test
So just pull the trigger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYBVDi2O1lo 

addiction

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I have a new one. Sorority Life on facebook. And getting back into working out...SWEET...virtual shopping since I can't afford the real thing!

When I get paid...

This bible from Barnes and Noble booksellers and this gift bible


For Christmas...

This jewelry set from Made With Molecules, I used to have it

For life...

A fulfillment of this scripture: Ephesians 5:25-33

Sooo...

Lena- I think she needs to hurry up and get married and get pregnant...not necessarily in that order

Adell- I didn't expect him to be a real man, considering his height and all, but I'm still dissapointed...and I know you're not done dealing with it either, so I hope you know that too.

Tasha- are you getting fat yet? boy or girl?!

Me- so I got the monkey's covered...myself...I've turned in two papers, taken two exams...I probably won't even look at my grades until next semester, I'm just that scared...and I still have two more papers and a presentation to prepare this weekend between working 6 or more hours every day between now and when they're due...yikes!

On another note...financially speaking, hopefully this paycheck will be fantastic, and I have a very complicated get the immediate bills paid strategy...I hate when life gets like this, and holds you by your ankles upside down while shaking you and watching all of your change fall down the drain...laughing...

But everything will be FINE, even if its not until january, and my new finanacial partial freedom steps in (for the last time, pouty face) and I finally begin to make something for myself before my *future* arrives and I go out into the real world to find a job befitting one of my two degress-in-progress before graduation in may of 2010. In a new place with new digs...at least my red car will be paid off...anyone need to buy a car? Red Pontiac Grand Am, '99 or '01, I can never seem to remember, but its got the ridged body that belongs to only those two years...anyways...

Other than the coming stress of the weekend and actually delivering the presentation (oral, 10 minutes, etc.) and the debilitating state of my apartment...well, the day of my final I'm doing a full purge and cleanse...body, mind, money, apartment, body...so I suppose, all will be well this coming week, as well as it can get before the new year. I can't wait to see my family for the holidays!

Entonces, yo voy a explorar mis opciones de vida...de toda mi vida...

...for you tree-hugger rhythm and such method types out there, here are a few things I learned in my History of Ancient Medieval Science class...


  • Ferula- also know as the giant fennel, has yellow flowers but is a scrub; found in semi-arid regions on hillsides and stony slopes; contraceptive and early-term abortifacient; Ferula opopanax Spr. (silphion, very effective version, but unfortunately now extinct); emmenagogue (menstrual stimulant)


 

 
  • Pomegranate (yep, that's right!)- oral contraceptive and vaginal suppository, (Punica granatum L.), the seeds and peel or rind have contraceptive properties; 72% effective in rats, 100% in guinea pigs, does not affect fertility



 
  • Juniper- "Gossip records a miracle", states Pliny the Elder: "that to rub it [crushed juniper berries] all over the male part before coitus prevents conception". Crushed juniper berries could also be placed on the vulva prior to coitus as a contraceptive. Two species are referred to as both a contraceptive drug and an abortifacient. Also about 60% effective orally (extract of the root)

 
  • Rue- an evergreen perennial with yellow to yellow-greenish flower, plants emit a powerful stinky odor; contains philocarpine, a substance given to horses to induce abortion; a traditional abortifacient amond hispanics in New Mexico and used as a tea for abortive purposes throughout Latin America; should be avoided if pregnant due to emmenagogic properties; a similar plant in the same family has potential as a post-coital interceptor (Murraya paniculata/var. M.sapientum L., called yuehchukene)

 
  • Pennyroyal- was used both as a contraceptive and an abortifacient, emmenagogue; steeped in tepid water, soaked in wine; there has been a known death in 1978 from a (stupid) young girl taking pennyroyal oil to induce an abortion...not recommended; cannot be legally sold in the US as a drug

 
  • Squirting Cucumber- (Ecballium elaterium L.) looks rather like the normal garden cucumber, but has no tendrils; the name derives from the fact that when its fruit dries it squirts out its seeds; good as "an abortive suppository for the uterus"; contraceptive not abortifacient, impedes ovulation

 
  • Queen Anne's Lace- (also known as a wild carrot or daucus) has a reddish, slender, and strongly aromatic root with stems about two feet high; can be found in the Appalchian Mountains of North Carolina in the autumn; after coitus, a woman taking a spoonful of the seeds in a glass of water is confident that she will not conceive



An interesting excerpt from Sacred Earth (think its what the site is called anyways)

Miscarriage is a traumatic experience and although relatively common, quite often also unnecessary. However, if the conditions just are not right for the embryo no herbs nor magic will be able to prevent it from happening. The first 3 months of pregnancy are the most vulnerable time for mother and child. Midwives throughout the ages have always advised women to pay special attention to their lifestyles and to what they eat, drink or otherwise absorb during this time. It is essential to avoid all toxins and strong stimulants in order to minimize the possibility of negative effects on the baby's development. After all, whether mother or baby like it or not, the growing embryo has its share in whatever the mother ingests or exposes herself to. Needless to say one should abstain from alcohol (even is small amounts) caffeine and nicotine containing substances as well as any chemical substances. Herbs that have a stimulating effect on the womb and thus could accidentally cause a miscarriage should also be avoided. These are the same herbs that can help to bring on a delayed period. Sage (Salvia officinalis), Pennyroyal (Mentha pulegium), Tansy (Tanacetum vulgare), Wormwood (Artemisia absinthum), Southernwood (Artemisia abrotanum) and other Artemisias, Thuja (Thuja occidentalis), Black Cohosh (Cimcifuga racemosa), Blue Cohosh (Caulophyllum thalictroides), Golden Seal (Hydrastis canadensis)...to name but a few (but not all), that should be avoided. Generally speaking it is best to avoid taking herbs altogether for the first 3 month to minimize any possible risks.


Happy experimenting!







    Cops, anyone?

    First crazy...



    Second crazy...

    Stardust

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    I really love this movie! I need to find the scenes with the little dirty man Robert DeNiro sells his lightening to...and later quacks! Sooo funny that gross guy!

    Well, here's DeNiro in a dress!!!

    ...concerning the possibility of Salvador Allende winning the 1970 presidential election in Chile..

    "One in 10 chance perhaps, but save Chile!
    worth spending
    not concerned with risks involved
    no involvement of Embassy
    $10,000,000 available, more if necessary
    full time job- best men we have
    game plan
    make the economy scream
    48 hours for plan of action"

    (notes taken by CIA Director Richard Helms at a September 15 emergency White House meeting...that reflects the "tenor" and the President's instructions)

    Interesting, but we can't help ourselves?

    by Jessica, Adell, Lena . . . for the dirty girl on facebookky . . . some girls just don't learn!


    (in a singsong voice, to the tune of "do your ears hang low?")
    Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to the 'flo,
    can u tie them in a knot, can u touch them to your 'fro,
    does your tummy tumble under, while ur giving a free "hummer",
    do your boobs hang low??
    does ur butt sit wide, is it bigger on one side,
    are your "lips" feeling itchy, did u run out ta peroxide. . .
    is it hard to hide your balls, thought u tucked but then they fall,
    do your boobs hang low!!!
    Thank you, thank you...no applause!

    Ha ha

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    You are sofa king we todd it.

    Say it aloud three times fast. Ha ha.

    The smell of your skin lingers on me now
    You're probably on your flight back to your home town
    I need some shelter of my own protection, baby
    To be with myself and center
    Clarity, peace, serenity

    I hope you know, I hope you know
    That this has nothing to do with you
    It's personal, myself and I
    We've got some straightenin' out to do

    And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
    But I've got to get a move on with my life
    It's time to be a big girl now
    And big girls don't cry
    Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

    The path that I'm walkin', I must go alone
    I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
    Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
    And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

    I hope you know, I hope you know
    That this has nothing to with you
    It's personal, myself and I
    We've got some straightenin' out to do

    And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
    But I've got to get a move on with my life
    It's time to be a big girl now
    And big girls don't cry

    Like the little school mate in the school yard
    We'll play jacks and Uno cards
    I'll be your best friend and you'll be mine
    Valentine

    Yes, you can hold my hand if you want to
    'Cause I want to hold yours too
    We'll be playmates and lovers
    And share our secret worlds

    But it's time for me to go home
    It's getting late, dark outside
    I need to be with myself, and center
    Clarity, peace, serenity

    I hope you know, I hope you know
    That this has nothing to do with you
    It's personal, myself and I
    We've got some straightenin' out to do

    And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
    But I've got to get a move on with my life
    It's time to be a big girl now
    And big girls don't cry
    Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

    FOCUS!!!

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    i can do this
    i can do this
    i can do this
    i can do this
    i can do this

    can't i?

    of course i can...

    i just need to FOCUS!!!

    ??!?!

    Posted by Unknown comments (0)

    IT'S GONE. I can't believe it, I saw it yesterday, but IT'S GONE. Why did Carlyle & Co. have to sell out to a company that was slowly and secretly tanking?! And took them WITH IT! PORQUÉ?!? Now I'll have to find a close substitute...oh my life...

    BTW...still have TONS of work and studying to do on those papers and have FOUR finals THIS WEEK...yay.

    scoop

    Posted by Unknown comments (0)

    I wish it were a scoop of ice cream...mmmmm....from Cold Stone Creamery... my all-time favorite (cake batter ice cream with caramel, almonds, cookie dough, and sugar cone mixed in....mmmmmmMMMMM!!!

    Any ways...haven't been online much lately, and won't be except for finding sources for my THOUSANDS of papers and such...at the library...because internet at the house isn't too much of an option right now...  :-(   

    Oh well, life sucks, just gotta let it roll. But I'll get this crap done, and when I FINALLY get my commission from my job (finger crossed desperately) I will be able to afford EVERYTHING (well, the stuff I've been wanting and missing out on at least :-)

    Everything electronic in my life seems to have a vendetta out on me...

    and one of my besties (a skinny monkey, perhaps?) seems to be trying to make one of my dreams come true...i love you...(tear drop)

    omg omg omg...welll...i guess I'm about to load up some books and get on home...well...on to picking up my friend from work then taking her home then home! oh well, story of my life, really. :-)  I'll make it, promise. Until then.....

    Go Harry Potter. www.jkrowling.com

    ***note***
    *Since I made this post the person in question WISELY deleted this particular post. They still shouldn't have allowed it to be known, so its still here! BTW, they probably deleted it b/c someone (they didn't want to) found out, saw it, and maybe they don't want to get fired just yet. Maybe. BTW, the blog itself still exists...and they mention a person below in previous posts.*
    ***note***

    OMG people, if you do not like your job (unlike me!) then this is NOT the way to handle it! Also, of course these blogs are for our own enjoyment and expression, but if you value your job, you probably shouldn't make the existence of your rant space known to people it may not be advisable to show. Just saying.

    Example below: (from http://briggsitbe.squarespace.com/home/2009/10/23/catching-up.html)

    (slightly truncated, but you get the idea)

    " ...That being said, it's been about three months since I started full time at BR. As of this moment - I'm not happy. I think the straw that broke the camels back was Lucy (you remember her as my ex Clay's new gf) getting the equivalent of my job (Merchandise Presentation Lead) at Crabtree - the store I started at. I don't really want to go off on a rant about this but I will say - I feel very betrayed by what I considered my home store. I think that part that scares me the most is knowing that no matter what Lucy's job performance is like (which we all know it will be quite poor seeing as how she only sees the job as a stepping stone and does not really have her heart in it) she has people backing her up. Something I do not have at Streets. I feel that everyday is an uphill battle and no matter how hard I work or how much I improve it's never good enough. Our boss is too busy blaming everyone else for the short comings of the store to see that if she - our GM - is never there - and not doing her own job when she is there - it creates a difficult working environment for any of us to perform well in. And because we perform so poorly we do not get the results we are capable of getting. Crabtree looks great compared to us and people like Lucy have "better" references than some one like me who is getting no feedback but negative feedback. This situation is so disheartening and I'm not sure how to fix it. I never thought I'd be so miserable at a place I used to love. I always thought I would stick it out and put in my time and effort to show that I cared while at Streets and eventually go back home to Crabtree. Now that Lucy has been rewarded for her poor job performance in her previous job and has a lead roll there - I feel like I'll never be able to go back. I might as well leave. And so today marks the beginning of me looking for a new job at a company that doesn't hate me. Wish me luck. "

    If you haven't seen her, you're missing a wonderfully talented animal!

    Life- looking up a bit
    Money- ugh, but getting paid around 2am...hopefully my commission has kicked in
    Friends- new ones! Love ya Kayla!
    Future- hopefully I can get a REAL job ASAP...to pay for that one-bedroom and the digs to spruce it up
    Money- sorry, but I need some...I know I know
    School- about to have an all-nighter (hopefully not) then get to EXTREME work on those FIVE final papers...and final exam...ugh

    Ah, but today I found a new tea place, yay! I will be buying some as soon as I can afford it ;-) called Tea Gschwendner

    Made some of my own tea, yum, gotta remember to get that....lost the thought...oh! prescription

    Getting to work now..........ugh

    http://adellll-is-here.blogspot.com/2009/11/punkd.html

    Since I can't comment on your page for some reason (link has to be fixed?) I'll say it here. I think GOD is trying to tell you to slow down honey. We all know you fall hard, and I think GOD is trying to keep you upright while you're still figuring out your footing. You don't need a ready-made family/possible violent crazy b*t*h situation now, before you're well established, before you're well on your way. Its too soon, and too far away, and too CRAZY to take on based on pure, raw emotion. Piensa en esto. Think about it. No tomas tanto mucho pa'que destruir tu alma y tu mente.

    Apparently this is a newish movement publicly modeled by the Duggars on TV where you embrace the patriarch system and leave the number of children you have in the hands of GOD. Interesting...well, boring actually...websites below. Boring in the setup, if you search a bit you can find interesting information.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull
    http://www.quiverfull.com/
    http://www.thenewhomemaker.com/connections/quiverful.html    this one is interesting


    Ah, almost forgot, the name comes from here: Psalm 127:3 - 4

     "Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth. Happy is the man whose quiver is full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."

    Related sites...tragedy:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Yates
    http://crime.about.com/od/current/p/andreayates.htm

    you can google search for more, as always

    WATCH IT AGAIN!!!!!!

    ughhh!!!!

    Posted by Unknown comments (0)

    FOCUS, JESSICA, FOCUS!

    I'm at the top of my second of five pages now, I CAN DO IT!

    Then I'll just have to go to the library and find references for two more papers...
      and clean the house...
      and organize my pictues...
      and do my chemistry...
      and watch back episodes of Vampire Diaries...
      and finish washing clothes...
      and put away all those clothes...

    ok, so maybe I should concentrate on the PAPER at hand! ARGGG!

    "I don't want to have to eat lettuce! Those stupid bags of spring mix PISS ME OFF!"

    He didn't like the casserole
    And he didn't like my cake,
    He said my biscuits were too hard
    Not like his mother used to make.

    I didn't perk the coffee right
    He didn't like the stew,
    I didn't mend his socks
    The way his mother used to do.

    I pondered for an answer
    I was looking for a clue.
    Then I turned and
    smacked the shit out of him...

    Like his mother used to do.

    (I had to post it again. AWESOME.)

    no sabe

    Posted by Unknown comments (3)

    i don't know what's wrong with me...
    i'm always tired, sad, I can't get ahold of the way I feel
    i'm so irritated with everyone in my life, me
    but i know its not because of them
    but i don't want them around
    but i want them around
    i think i want
    i don't know what's wrong with me
    why can't i stop my mind racing?
    why can't i achieve what i know i'm capable of?
    why can't i get away? afford?
    why am i here? what am i feeling?

    what am i doing wrong?
    why can't i get out of my head?
    why won't my head cooperate
    i'm doing so badly
    yet so close to doing well...
    i can't stand this...

    what is wrong with me...?


    Yes, I'm a gypsy.

    Beckoning to my friend...


    Yeah... I think the geisha (if you don't know, look it up you unknowledgeable anti-culture-and-history person) is nervous...









     I think she's trying to escape. (the one in white)



    Yum! Cheers!











    Must've hit the spot, eh? Good rum from the DR baby!




    I have a think for Clark Kent.














    I think Clark has a thing for gypsies...

    Ummm...scary Snow White?!

    I don't know.

    Oh sexy ladies...did I mention that we made our costumes? Well...it wasn't an equal division of labor...

    Oh Clark...(with a tan...)

    He's so strong...

    Ummm....heisman?

    Uhhh...superman? Isn't that backward?

     This year I got to go to the NC State fair 3 times!!! So Sweet...the fried Snickers bars, the candy apples, the hot dogs smothered in everything and ferris wheels and tummy-twisting rides...I'm just sad its over and can't wait until next year's! Here are a couple (thousand) shots of the fun.


    A beautiful sky as we enter the fair.


     I'm just a girl in the crowd...brrr!



    A classic ride, the swings! I loved this one at the Pitt County Fair when I was little.


    My first prize of the year! A giant pamper and pacifier-weilding gorilla. Thanks Herman for your AMAZING dart-throwing skills.


    Adell and Brandon...what she's doing I have no idea.


    Me and Herman and baby Gorilla. Its a girl.


    So cute! Don't you love when you get to have FIRST DATE PICTURES!!!


    Hungry hungry Herman! Go giant turkey legs!


    His baby turkey...before its death.


    So sweet...


    I think I'm hungry...


    Poor turkey...


    I'm about to murder my FRIED PICKLES!!!!


    I'M WINNING I'M WINNING I'M WINNING!!!!


    I WON!!!


    CHEEZE!




    Awesome ride and Herman blocking the view. ;-)


    Weird Ferris Wheel...I never saw one with the seats like little round buckets for four people.


    First date pic!


    I'm cute. He looks confused.


    Nice view.


    There we go! See Mr. Wuf? (Go Pack!)




    This would be the one water ride at the fair...at which you get DRENCHED and people were letting their CHILDREN get on that ride when it was BELOW 45 DEGREES and windy and nighttime!!! ?!?!?!?!?!?!?


    I think there's an alien worm taking over his face...


    The ride PHAROH'S FURY, which the announcer kept calling "Furor's fury"


    My three prize babies. Gorilla, Mr. Wuf, and the baby Wolf.


    Awesome.


     The fireworks!



     FIN.

    Was a great time, rode absolutely everything that could toss your tummy and ate things I will regret until I hit the gym (someday). Nos vemos next year!






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